How to Cope With Resistance as a Small Business Owner

How to cope with resistance as a small business owner

When I first went on the path of entrepreneurship I had no idea what it meant and what it takes to make everything work. But I decided to take a risk because I simply couldn’t find a sense of doing the same mechanical job over and over again and caring about somebody else’s ambitions and goals. I was looking for more freedom, for no limits on how much money I could make, and finding to do something that I cared about.

I had no idea how much I will be obliged to change as a person, and what mindset shifts I will have to make. Learn how to deal with fear, and uncertainty, and still keep going if I wanted to make everything work.

I had no idea how much emotional labour was required of me. And that it’s not possible to stay the same old Alina and achieve everything I was dreaming of. That it’s not possible to stay in my comfort zone, to do only the things that are comfortable and move forward. Only by doing uncomfortable things you can evolve and see what you’re capable of.

Everybody comes from a different background, but I still believe that wonderful thing can happen to you, if you decide so, take action, learn, and don’t let your lizard brain run your life and settle for being average.

I was brought up in a family where everybody all their lives worked for somebody else, and counted on somebody else to give them a job. Where to find a job, you needed to know the right people, please them, obey and shut your mouth. Well, in post-soviet counties finding even this type of job was a miracle. Owning a business, or wanting to build one was never a cultural thing. It was seen as a huge vice. Owning your business meant you would never be able to make enough money. Why do even want to do something like that? It will never work!

So yes, I followed a pretty standard path of school, university, and finding a job. Right before I decided to leave Ukraine for France. I guess, that I was curious to see whether it’s the same everywhere. Before I saw Western Europe as some kind of heaven. But it turned out to be exactly the same with the slightest cultural difference and the possibility to consume more low-quality goods.

I realized that there are pros and cons in every single country and that it’s time to stop idealizing one country and despise another. Everything is very individual. What pleases you might not please another person.

This experience opened my eyes a lot. Because when all your material needs are met is there anything else? And the answer is YES.

What is the source of resistance? What is a lizard brain, or a reptile brain?

For a very long time, I didn’t know what to call everything I was feeling when I just started my first business. For the first time in my life, I was left alone with nobody telling me what to do, with nobody to discipline me and to push me to do the work. It felt weird.

I was overthinking everything, avoiding being me and vulnerable, and searching for perfectionism. I didn’t know what made me different from thousands of people who do the same thing I wanted to do, I concentrated on trivial busywork, doing endless research, and watching endless online tutorials. When the things I needed to do were to reach potential clients, experience failure and rejection, speak with people, create connection and community, provide value, and be myself with my vulnerabilities, imperfections, and fears. And always no matter what finish my work and share it with the world even if it’s row, and it’s imperfect.

All actions and inactions mentioned above were caused by one thing – resistance. The point of having an idea is to act on it, to start the project is to finish it. But very often many ideas stay just ideas, and the projects are never finished and stay unseen.

But when you act on your ideas and show your project to the world, you will create a collision between your work and the external world. Probably you will experience judgment, pressure, rejection, fear, and failure, but it’s exactly what you need to experience to be able to create extraordinary work. Don’t let resistance prevent you from sharing your work and decide that it’s bad before even sharing.

So what is a lizard brain, or a reptile brain?

The lizard brain is the most anсient part of our brain that’s responsible for breathing, heart beating, body temperature, and so on. It’s the part of the brain on the back of our head. It’s exactly the part of the brain that helped us to survive and kept us safe for thousands of years. In ancient times it was very vital for our survival. But can we still let our lizard brain decide how we live our lives today?

The lizard brain is always scared, horny, and hungry. The lizard brain cares what others think, it wants to be safe. It’s the reason why you’re afraid, the reason why you don’t do everything you’re capable of, and the reason you don’t share your talent and work with the world. The reptile brain is the source of your resistance.

How did the lizard brain evolved

Even if you think that you’re completely free from your reptile brain it’s so not true. It’s a part of you. And because it’s the most ancient part of the brain, it will always win, it’s not possible to beat it. But you can seduce it and develop new habits that will help you to keep your lizard brain silent.

I didn’t realize all these things when I just started working by myself. I couldn’t imagine what types of transformations as a person on a very deep level I will have to make just to be able to work, stop feeling anxious, stop worrying about what others will say, learn how to be myself, embrace it and don’t be ashamed of it. It blows my mind every single day!

Being visible is scary, speaking your mind openly is scary, and looking people in the eyes and creating a connection is hard. For thousands of years we were searching for the approval of others and wanted to please everybody because if you were different, you were left outside the tribe to die alone. If you’re visible it used to be dangerous too. You won’t die if you’re different, visible and speak openly today, but millions of years of evolution create different responses in our brains when we face those things. We prefer to hide, to run, to avoid at any cost being visible and speak our voice openly.

Reasoning rarely works. The lizard brain won’t listen and it doesn’t care. I tried it many times by myself before and the resistance won every single time.

The resistance in your every day life

Our classical educational system and career path are a perfect place for your lizard brain. Do you need to please everybody? Perfect! Do you need to never speak your mind and follow the program? Amazing! Do you need to fit in and be like everybody else? Oh, yes! Do you care only about good grades? Of course!

Do you have a voice in your head that tells you that you’re not good enough for a better school and that job you have anyways dreamt of? The resistance in action as it is!

You might say, but hey! I’m working hard every single day and I’m so busy! But being busy and doing busy work is not the as sharing your work with the world before it’s perfect, make that presentation in front of many people before you feel ready, or reach to people first, even if you might be rejected or even if you’re not good enough yet to offer your services.

So why is that so hard to do? Because you might fail and might be rejected… And of course, you will and many times. It’s a part of a game. But what makes successful people is the way they treat their failures. They don’t take them personally, it doesn’t hurt their egos, and they don’t start to think that they’re losers and that doing something was a mistake. Instead, they see failure as a part of a learning process, as a possibility of self-growth.

For a very long time, it was difficult for me to leave my comfort zone. I wanted so badly to continue doing things that I was comfortable doing. I wanted to hide, I didn’t want people to see who I was, to speak openly about what I was doing, I didn’t want to be vulnerable and was uncomfortable being myself. But with time I realized that staying in my comfort zone isn’t the right way.

If I want to have things I have never had before I probably need to start doing things I have never done before. I realized that I need to be able to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. It’s a difficult path, and most likely it won’t be crowded. If I feel discomfort it’s not something horrible, but it means that I was willing to do something that most people couldn’t.

These are the most comment signs of resistance:

Don’t share your work with the world
Perfectionism
Procrastination
Constantly compare yourself to other
Worry about what others might say
Make excuses about lack of money
Search for approval
Want to fit it
Wanting to be liked by everybody
Be obsessed with the research and don’t take action
Wait for tomorrow
Believing that everything is about talent, but not the skills
Never finish the old project, and start the new one
Be anxious about everything
Overthinking every single detail
Being jealous of successful people in your industry
Never reach people first and always wait and so much more.

So what's next?

I often hear this myth that most talented people are born with talent, that they were born creative. Maybe it can be the truth for some people, but what about most ordinary people? Are we doomed to die in oblivion, and should not even try to create something because we weren’t born talented enough?

I don’t have any talent, I’m an ordinary person, I don’t have any particular skills, I’m the same as everybody else. Again the lizard brain is speaking! I believe that every single person has something special inside of her and that it can be developed into talent. You just need a bit more practice, hard work, and failing. And you need a bit less resistance.

Now it should be much easier to deal with it when you have a name for it when you can distinguish a very particular annoying voice in your head and you know exactly what is that!

When you name it, separate from yourself, it’s much easier to look at it from the side, to let it be. But at the same time it makes it easier don’t believe it, don’t think that it’s the truth and do what you have to do.

But what about the fear?

Fear is one of the most important emotions that helped us to survive. Doing something you have never done before is scary. When you have freedom and no map of what to do next it’s scary. But it’s exactly the fear that can help you to find the thing you should be doing. Because the resistance will do everything to prevent you from doing this thing the most.

I think that the fear will always be there if you decide to do creative work, and follow your path. You just need to accept it, let it be, and don’t avoid it, don’t let it prevent you from doing the work.

Avoid doing busy work, and let yourself be still and silent.

Doing a lot of busy work can be a sign of resistance. You’re very busy, doing research all day, trying to figure out how to start a blog or build a website. At first sight, it seems like you’re working hard and doing everything you can. But does it? Sometimes you just need to write a small blog post and publish it right away instead of learning for months how to start a blog. Busy work can be a distraction from real, hard, creative work.

I didn’t realize the importance of doing anything and having proper rest. It seemed to me that I should push all the time and work 24/7 if I won’t make everything work. It’s not a long-term strategy, it leads to burnout and anxiety. When you let silence into your day, you can feel more relaxed, not distracted and open when a new idea comes.

Have a specific working time and don’t create too many unrealistic goals

The resistance wants you to set unrealistic goals, too many goals. They are so distant and unachievable so why even bother trying to achieve them? It’s not possible!

Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with dreaming big and creating big goals for yourself, but you must be wise about it. Having a big goal, separating it into tiny goals, decide on everyday tasks to achieve these small goals will eventually lead you to a bigger one.

Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many things to do, choose 3-4 small goals you will accomplish every single day. When you do too many things at the same time, you accomplish nothing.

Decide on specific days and hours of your work, and don’t distract yourself during this time. Having discipline is so important. There will be days when you wake up and feel like shit, feel like doing nothing. Here is when discipline and your schedule come to save you. You don’t have to think, you just need to sit down and act.

The resistance will be the worst when you don’t have any distractions, but when you sit in silence in front of your blank screen. Just be, embrace this moment, and don’t resist these emotions, don’t search for distractions.

But I have too much anxiety!

Anxiety seems very real when you experience it, but it’s imaginary. It’s fear about fear. Anxiety focuses on the unknown and possibilities that aren’t real. Anxiety sets you up for failure beforehand, it prevents you from even trying because you might fail. Anxiety makes it impossible to do the art because it fuels resistance.

Don’t try to rationalize or reassure yourself when you experience anxiety. Instead, try to acknowledge it, experience it, and embrace it. It can exist forever. When you see that reality is different, not as horrible as you might imagine, anxiety starts to disappear.

Final thoughts

There are many different signs of resistance. But when we look at it from the side, name it, our enemy becomes visible and we know what we’re dealing with.

It’s so easy to start blaming yourself, say that you don’t have any talent, take a failure personally, procrastinate, overthink, and never finish your project.

Of course, it’s good to do some deep work on yourself, create a strategy for your business, and take your time to learn who your ideal client is, what you want to offer, and what you enjoy doing.

But all this work is worth nothing if you wait too long, wait for tomorrow to do the hard work and never finish your project. The only solution, even if you don’t know what you’re doing is to start today, share your work with the world, and believe that you can figure everything out on your way.

Other interesting resources if you want to learn more about resistance

Linchpin by Seth Godin
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
Do the Work by Steven Pressfield

There are several great videos you can watch to help you to cope with the resistance: